As human beings, it is not uncommon for us to experience dissonance, a state of discomfort caused by a disconnect between our thoughts and actions, or between our beliefs and desires. Navigating this dissonance plays a key role in how we change and grow. When we become aware of a dissonance, we experience distress.
It’s not pleasant to feel dissonance, but it is a prompt that indicates we need to change in some way. In what way though should we change? Does the thought or belief need to change, or is it the action or desire that needs to change? It’s hard to even think clearly about what needs to be changed when we’re in the grips of being distressed about the dissonance we’re feeling.
I had this same experience when I first began to question my sexuality, gender, and desired relationship dynamics. Red felt this same dissonance when she wanted to reconnect with her faith. As a pastor, I had colleagues that I could go to for advice, but for most of them, I knew what the answer would be. I knew who would tell me to stay closeted and who would tell me to come out. It took some hard thought and effort to find a peer who would listen to my situation and really help me untangle the mess that I was in.
This is now one of the services that I provide for others. Let me help you explore what you believe, what you want, and your feelings behind this dissonance. I won’t tell you what to do, I will help you unpack what you are experiencing and help you uncover your path forward.