Red
Looking at my life and the crazy turns it has taken I can see how I got here. The need to help people and make sure they feel important and seen has been a part of who I am from a very young age. I grew up in a non-denominational Christian church with a father who loved God and wanted nothing more than to be in heaven, but he also did not question anything taught at church. My mother who had a profound love for God still insisted that her children have critical thinking skills and ask questions. I can not say that this has made my life choices easier, and I still have many personal trauma issues with regard to my religious upbringing. What it did was give me the compassion to think about things from other people’s perspectives rather than my own.
I identify as straight and I would never have even considered polyamory or kink or anything other than a traditional mainstream lifestyle in the past mainly because of the extreme religious doctrine surrounding sexuality and intimacy that I grew up with. I grew up in the late 80s early 90s so the LGBTQ+ community was still quite on the fringe. “Transgender” as we know it now wasn’t something people spoke of but of course it was there. I never understood the vilification of the community. In my view, God was a loving parent to ALL of God’s children and God’s anger was reserved for those that did not take care of or hurt others. My mother made sure I valued inclusion and I was rather shielded from the prejudices within my church home at the time.
It was as an adult and as a parent that I soon realized the discrepancy between what I truly believed God to be and what my “church” was telling me God was. It was incredibly disheartening. How could you shun someone just for loving someone? This flew in the face of everything I believed God to be. This became even more apparent when my middle child came out to us at the age of 13 as non-binary. We of course welcomed them and their identity with open arms but they were extremely hesitant to be their true self, especially at our church.
As the political and religious climate became more and intense surrounding the LGBTQ+ community I was also finding out some things about myself. I am polyamorous. I have a need for multiple intimate, loving relationships. I don’t do simple friendships, they aren’t always sexual of course but I truly LOVE those I consider friends both physically and emotionally.
So here I was with a child who was being shunned and labeled a ‘sinner” in the eyes of my church and then there was me, a loving person who tries to make others happy also a “sinner” because of the love I have. It is only in the last few years that I’ve tried to bring harmony to these two elements of my life.
I never stopped believing in God, but am only now trying to restore my relationship to church. Loving people, loving who you are, accepting who you are and sharing that love and joy with others IS what God intended for all of us. God wants us to experience the vast limitless love that the divine has for us. God gave us this life to enjoy and revel in, not hide in the shadows and judge each other.
I want to remind people who need it and deserve it that God has never stopped loving them. Working with the LGBTQ+, kink, non-monogamous, and alternative lifestyle communities is my way of sharing God’s love which in the end is what Jesus commanded of us. Love one another, nothing more, nothing less.