Month: March 2023

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Exegesis vs. Eisegesis

Series: Church, Faith, and the Bible

Think of the depictions of Jesus that you’ve seen. Let’s for a moment ignore the fact that there’s a 98% chance that he looks European.  Does he have a beard? That’s more like 50/50. It’s likely though that as a Jewish man living in the Holy Land, that he probably had a beard. Why then did Christians judge people in the 60s who had long hair and a beard as being “unchristian”?

It comes down to a pair of great seminary words: exegesis and eisegesis. Exegesis is the process of going to the Bible and reading it to try to determine what it’s saying. This isn’t an easy process. After all, it was written in a couple of dead languages by a bunch of authors two thousand years ago and over the course of hundreds of years.

Exegesis is hard. You have to consider language, history, the unknown intent of the author, and the context of all the other things the Bible says over its many many many pages.  It makes it hard to say things like “the Bible clearly says…” You end up having to say uncomfortable things like “given the historical context and the audience to which the letter is written, I find it likely that. . . .” It just doesn’t play well in an argument with someone holding a sign and a megaphone on a street corner or with your fundamentalist uncle over Thanksgiving turkey.

Now let’s talk about eisegesis. Eisegesis is the reverse of exegesis. In any good seminary, it’s taught as a logical fallacy to be avoided at all costs. It’s something that everyone who has ever talked about the Bible (including me) has done. Eisegesis is when you take your opinion to the Bible, and find a couple of texts to justify what you already believe. It takes the Bible not in context, but in isolation.  It’s incredible how good eisegesis looks on hand drawn signs and sounds shouted from megaphones!  It lets you say things like “The Bible clearly says…” and “I’m just reading the Bible, I don’t need your intellectual trickery,” it lets you put a single scripture reference behind a phrase like “God hates _____” and treat that single verse like proof.

But, it’s wrong. It’s a logical fallacy. It’s like arguing something is right because “that’s what I think.” It’s treating opinion as proof. Let’s think about just a few of the things that Christians have felt that “the Bible clearly said:”

  • Slavery is a good thing 
  • North America has been given to white Europeans
  • There is only one position in which you can have sex
  • People are poor because they are lazy
  • God wants you to go to X land and kill Y people
  • Opposing the Church is punishable by death
  • The king is God’s presence on earth
  • Any and all sex is inherently sinful
  • Alcohol should be outlawed
  • You’ll go to hell if you have tattoos, long hair, or facial hair
  • Women wear dresses and men wear pants (not many people even had pants in the time of the Bible)
  • Science is worthless
  • Women belong in the home
  • God opposes communism (and loves capitalism)
  • Sex which can’t result in pregnancy is wrong
  • God hates gays
  • America is God’s chosen country (find me America in the Bible)
  • Drag shows are a threat to society

Each of these has been, and often still is, justified with an appeal to scripture and a nice, tidy, isolated scripture or set of scriptures. If you disagree, you must be wrong, and maybe evil, because “the Bible clearly says. …”

If you’ve been burned by people telling you what “the Bible clearly says,” you don’t have to take their word for it, or mine either. Explore it for yourself, and if you’d like some guidance on where to start and how to understand this strange but amazing book, we would love to help. Check out our spiritual direction services.

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Reflections on a Journey – Defining Submission

submission, handcuffs

These are my reflections and not necessarily how others view their role. As with all kink related activities they MUST ALWAYS be safe, sane, and consensual between adults. 

Submission is defined by Merriam-Webster as the following:

  1. A: a legal agreement to submit the decision of arbitrators B: an act of submitting something (as for consideration or inspection)
  2. the condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant
  3. an act of submitting to the authority or control of another

The Wikipedia BDSM Glossary defines submissive as: a person that gives up control either all the time or for a specified period (Not to be confused with “bottom” or “slave”). When I define submission and being a submissive I incorporate both the vanilla and the kink definitions. Since the beginning of my exploration and trying to figure out where I fit into all this and even if I do, I kept coming back to these definitions.

I thought I was a switch. I mean, that makes sense since I’m an insane control freak. I like to have a plan for everything! A map set out and one I have created. Clearly I couldn’t possibly be solely submissive with that kind of attitude, right?

Let’s look at the first part of the Webster definition, “a legal agreement to submit the decision of arbitrators or an act of submitting something (as for consideration or inspection)”. In all my controlling needs, I never really make my final decisions. I always submit my ideas, desires and/or body to someone and in the end what is chosen is what I consent to doing.

Then I thought, well I must not be completely submissive because I am anything but compliant sometimes. However, after careful examination over the last 5 years, I’ve come to realize this is not entirely true. In the process of submitting my ideas, desires and/or body, I may get a little “bratty” or “non-compliant” while waiting for a final decision in hopes to push it in my favor. In the end though, what is decided is final. When given a decision sternly and with finality, I am 100% compliant. I am humbled daily by those in authority that I respect that view me as a “good girl”.

Then there is the actual act of submitting to the authority or control of another (which in this case is also part of the BDSM definition, so I shall use them together). I have realized that this kind of submission is what I crave. Not that I don’t have my own thoughts or ideas but to have one person make those final decisions. I am not one that is comfortable making the final decision. I will worry and second guess myself every time. If I want to give someone my body to use, of course I will have ideas and thoughts about how this should be done, but in the end they decide how that looks (either incorporating my ideas or completely dismissing them. Within negotiated limits.). Either way, I feel free when the decision is made and less likely to worry.

I used to think I was a swtich because I was attempting to put vanilla world filters over the roles. I control my work, my family, interactions with friends, so I must not be submissive. I am re-thinking this based on what I see when I’m not vanilla. At my very core (even in vanilla life), I’m happy to be a “worker bee”, I get pride out of doing a job or task presented to me and being told I’ve pleased people. With those I allow close to me and to be intimate with, I crave direction and authority and I’m happy to be of service.

So being submissive and submission mean this to me: allowing the give and take of ideas and desires between me and my Dom but ultimately following his authority and decision. It means respecting him as that decision maker both publicly and privately. It means I give up part of myself to gain a part of myself.

If you have been questioning what your “role” is and how to define it within the kink community J.R. Wolfe Coaching is here to help. Check out our service offerings HERE.

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Coming Out… – Series

open door

as Enby

I was assigned male at birth (AMAB).  I lived identifying as male for more than 35 years.  Though I did not begin to question this identification for a long time, eventually things shifted and I realized I would be happier if I could let go of this label.  For years I would secretly crossdress, trying on some of my spouse’s clothes when I was home alone.  I simply loved wearing sundresses and sweater dresses.

I had always been one of those guys who hung out mostly with girls.  I had few male friends.  While I did play some sports in school, my focus was on drama, writing, and other less “masculine” spaces.  The fact of the matter was that I always felt that relationships with guys were inherently competitive: discouraging and punishing vulnerability, and requiring me to put on an act.  I always preferred to have female doctors and therapists, so that I felt like I had the space to be vulnerable and admit that not everything was okay.

I’ve suffered from depression and seasonal affective disorder for most of my life.  When the COVID pandemic began, I was spirling.  I’m an extrovert and was unable to “recharge my batteries” by getting out of the house and being with other people.  It was during this time that I began to realize that crossdressing was relieving my depression.  By this time my wife knew that I sometimes wore her clothes, and I began buying some of my own.  I began to hang out on Reddit in crossdressing forums and began to hear more stories from gender nonconforming people.

Then it hit me.  When I got depressed, my depression was compounded by a feeling that I was being “unmasculine.”  I would be emotional, easily hurt, and felt like I was being needy.  These feelings just added shame to the depression and made everything worse.

I had a choice.  I could keep kicking myself when I was down.  I could spend years of therapy trying to let go of that shame with no promise that I would ever succeed.  OR, I could simply let go of the idea of needing to conform to society’s idea of being “male.”

I came out to my family and close friends as nonbinary.  I began using both he and they pronouns.  I wore what made me feel good when I could (I have remained closeted in my professional spaces due to working in nonaffirming Christian spaces).  I began to accept that just as I sometimes wanted to wear a suit and tie to feel handsome, I also wanted sometimes to wear a sundress and eye shadow to feel pretty.  I stopped judging my feelings for being the wrong kind of feelings and accepted that they were only feelings and therefore neither good nor bad.

This has been one of the most freeing decisions of my life and I only wish I had made it sooner.

Are you confused about the difference between gender and sex?  Check out the Genderbread person.

Are you in a church that does not accept members of the LGBTQIA+ community?  Check out our Resources page to find inclusive churches near you. 

Would you like to work toward feeling accepted by yourself and God?  Try working with me toward your goals.

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What Is Spiritual Direction

Spiritual Direction

What is it and why might you need it?  Let’s begin by looking at what spiritual direction is not.

Spiritual direction is not:

  • A replacement for a church, mosque, synagogue or other religious congregation
  • Counseling, therapy, or “Biblical counseling”
  • A denominational program
  • A way of converting you to a specific belief

Spiritual direction is a one-on-one or small group process of working intentionally toward deepening your relationship with The Divine. Most spiritual traditions have some form of Spiritual Direction.

Have you experienced spiritual abuse or trauma that pushed you not only away from religion, but from God as well? Do you feel a tension between what you were told you “need to believe” and what you think you may actually believe? Would you like to reconnect with your faith? Are you feeling that you want to go “deeper” into your spiritual beliefs and make them a bigger part of your everyday life?

A spiritual director listens to these goals and challenges and works with you to achieve your goals. This may include talking through your spiritual history, exploring what you personally believe and why, trying out new spiritual practices (such as different forms of prayer or meditation) and incorporating them into your daily life.

JR will not force you to believe what they believe or use the spiritual practices they use. Instead they will practice holy curiosity, traveling with you and helping you to discover what The Divine is saying to you and where your spirit is being led.

Another term sometimes used for a spiritual director is anam cara, a term used by Celtic traditions and meaning “soul friend.” A journey is better with a friend.  You don’t have to feel alone, they can help you when you reach rough terrain and catch you when you fall. For more about spiritual direction, visit Spiritual Directors International.